Helping Children Grieve During the Holidays

Contributed By:
Laura Sollenberger, Pediatric Supportive Care Counseling Supervisor – OSF Saint Francis

Adults play an important role in helping children grieve, especially over the holidays when new emotions and memories can hit with full force. Children often have trouble expressing their emotions and they may not be open about their own grief.

The following are tips that a parent or another adult can use to help grieving children through the holidays.

1. Talk About the Child’s Grief
   Talk with them about their loved one. Be specific with good memories. Let children share their feelings and stories. Keep the communication lines open by spending one-on-one time with a child who is grieving.
2. Be Tolerant of the Child’s Physical and Psychological Limits
   Dealing with feelings of loss may lead to fatigue. Respect the body’s cue that it is time to slow down a bit and rest.
3. Eliminate Unnecessary Stress
   Do not overextend the child. Release that “keeping busy” will not distract the child from the grief and may actually increase stress.
4. Be With Supportive, Comforting People
   Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can be stressful. Find those people who encourage the child to be themselves and accept the child’s feelings—both happy and sad.
5. Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings
   Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. Leave room to change plans if you deem it appropriate.
6. Embrace Your Treasure of Memories
   Memories are one the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. Encourage your child to share memories with your family and friends.

Last Updated: February 11, 2022